It’s Not Mercury Retrograde, You Just Need to Reset the Wi-Fi

When Did We Start Blaming the Planets?

I can tell you the star sign of every person I’ve ever dated, worked with, or had a mildly awkward chat with at a party. Not their names, but definitely their signs. It’s a gift. I love categorising people by things completely out of their control like the moment they were born. My brain has lovingly archived hundreds of people by whether they have Virgo energy or give off classic Pisces drama. Yes, I’m that girlie. And if you’re a Taurus, we’re probably already besties in a parallel universe.

I love astrology. It’s cute, it’s fun, it’s fascinating, and it makes brunch chats more interesting. But somewhere along the line, things shifted. Now, the moment your emails vanish or your ex texts you out of nowhere, we’re all shaking our fists at Mercury Retrograde. As if a planet doing a backflip is the reason we sent that drunk text or forgot to attach the file in the first place.

And, I get it. Cosmic chaos feels way more exciting than owning up to a bad day. But sometimes Mercury isn’t in retrograde. Sometimes Jupiter isn’t in Transit. And sometimes the energy isn’t heavy. More often than not, the Wi-Fi just needs to be reset and you need a nap and a proper meals. It’s not always the stars. Sometimes it’s just… us.

The Allure of Cosmic Blame

Let’s be honest, it can feel like a bit of a relief to believe that the planets are responsible for our chaos. It makes the mess feel less personal. If your phone auto-deletes your meeting notes or your ex texts you out of nowhere, it’s comforting to mutter “Ugh, Mercury is in the Microwave again!” instead of acknowledging that you might need to update your password or finally block that number.

The idea that something bigger is at play lets us step outside ourselves for a moment. It soothes the ego. It turns little failures into fate and glitches into a galactic soap opera. And it’s dramatic in the best way. We get to say things like, “Of course I cried in Coles, it’s eclipse season,” or “I stalked him on Instagram because I have a Libra Ascendant.” (guilty as charged on that one…)

But here’s the thing: blaming astrology too much can quietly steal our personal power. It tells us that we can’t do anything until Mercury decides to behave. It whispers that accountability is optional and that we are passengers, not pilots. And that’s not just inaccurate, it’s exhausting.

You Are Not a Victim of the Stars

Last week I got snappy with my bestie, locked myself out of my Gmail, and cried into a glass of sauvignon blanc all within the space of 30 minutes. My first instinct was to check the moon phase. Surely this much frazzled emotion had a planetary explanation? Spoiler alert: the moon was chilling. No big alignments, no emotional rollercoasters in the forecast.

Turns out, I was just really tired. Not full-moon tired. Not eclipse tired. Just perimenopausal tired. The kind of tired that wraps itself around your bones and makes you want to sob over a slice of cheese. I needed water, a nap, and someone to remind me that being 42 is basically a full-time job.

It reminded me that sometimes the answer isn’t on your Co-Star app. Sometimes it’s in your sleep tracker, your period tracker, or your fridge. You’re not cursed, my love, you’re dehydrated. You’re not out of alignment, you’re just overdue for a break. The moon isn’t gaslighting you, but your body might be begging for a break from the vino.

Maybe You Just Need to Reset

Look, if Mercury really is in retrograde and your emails vanish into the ether, I get it. I’ll light a candle with you and grumble about technology. But we can’t let the stars be our default explanation every time something goes wrong.

Sometimes we’re not misaligned, we’re just disorganised. We don’t need a birth chart reading, we need a checklist and to turn the router off and on again. Maybe our energy is blocked because we haven’t stretched in three days. And maybe our manifestations aren’t working because we replaced our affirmations with doom-scrolling through Manifestation-tok.

We’re allowed to be messy. We’re allowed to own our mistakes and fix them without blaming the universe. It doesn’t mean you’re not spiritual. It just means you’re grounded. And frankly, that’s a much healthier vibe.

Building Cosmic Accountability

There is a middle ground here. One where you can adore your astrology memes and still take responsibility for your inbox chaos. Where you can love your tarot deck and still own up to being grumpy because you had McDonalds for lunch. You don’t have to pick between logic and magic.

In fact, the real glow-up comes from knowing the difference. Being able to say, “Yes, this full moon feels intense” while also recognising that you’re four hours behind on sleep and emotionally raw from bingeing sad shower girl playlists. Knowing the difference between when to cleanse your space and when to clean your flat.

I think of it like this: astrology can give us insight, but it shouldn’t take the wheel. It’s the seasoning, not the main course. Your decisions, your boundaries, your sleep habits. That’s where the transformation really lives.

Mercury isn’t in retrograde, your router’s just clinging to life and you haven’t had a vegetable since Tuesday.

Your Wi-Fi Isn’t Haunted, Cutie

So the next time your tech throws a tantrum or your brain fog hits, maybe hit pause for a hot second before announcing that Mercury is in the microwave. Restart your phone. Have a banana. Cancel plans and nap dramatically. Cry in the shower. Reboot in every sense of the word.

You don’t have to make everything a mystical moment. Sometimes it’s just life. Life is messy and weird and slightly cruel, but also full of tiny miracles and fresh starts. In fact, every moment, every second, every choice and decision is a fresh start. And you can honour both. You can be soft and powerful. You can forget to charge your laptop and still be deeply in tune with the universe.

Your spiritual practice doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be calm and grounded all the time. But if we stop blaming Mercury for every little inconvenience, we might just find ourselves growing, healing, and resetting like pros.

So light your candle, but also reset your Wi-Fi. Say a prayer, but also take a nap. Be magical, but don’t forget to eat lunch. You’re not broken. You’re just a human being in need of a reset. And you’re doing great.

You Are Not Entitled to an Answer – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity

In this episode of Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity, we're unpacking why you are not entitled to an answer. Specifically, we're talking about the strange little corner of modern dating where a few days of app chat somehow becomes an emotional contract, and suddenly a man you've never met believes your silence requires a formal explanation, a debrief, and possibly a follow-up meeting with management.I have two stories for you. One man who talked almost exclusively about himself, ignored the fact that I was sick, and then followed up a week later asking whether I'd reconsidered his "request for clarification". And another who became offended because I didn't respond to his selfie within two hours while I was lying in a dark room with a migraine. Sir. Please be serious.Because here's the thing. Before you've met someone, you do not owe them unlimited access to your time, attention, reassurance, or emotional labour. You don't have to justify why the vibes changed. You don't need a reason they'll consider reasonable. You are allowed to disengage because something felt off, because you changed your mind, because you met someone else, or because you're in your luteal phase and frankly the entire world can wait.Today we're talking about the difference between ghosting and simply disengaging, why demanding closure can become a boundary violation, the exhausting expectation that women should manage men's feelings for them, and why you do not need to JADE, justify, argue, defend, or explain, when you've already decided you're done. Let's get into it.Key Takeaways:A few days of chatting does not create a debt. Matching on an app, exchanging messages, or talking on the phone does not give someone a claim on your attention. Until you've actually built a connection, you are allowed to walk away without submitting supporting documentation.Closure is not something another person can demand from you. Asking once is one thing. Continuing to push after someone has clearly disengaged is not persistence or emotional maturity. It's refusing to accept the answer you've already been given.You do not need to JADE. You don't have to justify, argue, defend, or explain why you're no longer interested. The reason doesn't have to be good enough for him. It just has to be yours.Pre-date silence and post-date silence are not the same thing. If you've never met, disengaging is part of app dating. Once you've shared an actual date or developed a genuine connection, a simple goodbye becomes basic courtesy. Nobody needs a dissertation, but acknowledging another human being matters.Sometimes they don't miss you. They miss the audience. Someone can seem interested while actually being interested in having your attention. Real connection requires curiosity about you. If the only time they become deeply engaged is when you're leaving, pay attention to that.For more visit ⁠BryJaimea.com⁠ or follow over on IG ⁠@BryJaimea

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