It’s Not Mercury Retrograde, You Just Need to Reset the Wi-Fi

When Did We Start Blaming the Planets?

I can tell you the star sign of every person I’ve ever dated, worked with, or had a mildly awkward chat with at a party. Not their names, but definitely their signs. It’s a gift. I love categorising people by things completely out of their control like the moment they were born. My brain has lovingly archived hundreds of people by whether they have Virgo energy or give off classic Pisces drama. Yes, I’m that girlie. And if you’re a Taurus, we’re probably already besties in a parallel universe.

I love astrology. It’s cute, it’s fun, it’s fascinating, and it makes brunch chats more interesting. But somewhere along the line, things shifted. Now, the moment your emails vanish or your ex texts you out of nowhere, we’re all shaking our fists at Mercury Retrograde. As if a planet doing a backflip is the reason we sent that drunk text or forgot to attach the file in the first place.

And, I get it. Cosmic chaos feels way more exciting than owning up to a bad day. But sometimes Mercury isn’t in retrograde. Sometimes Jupiter isn’t in Transit. And sometimes the energy isn’t heavy. More often than not, the Wi-Fi just needs to be reset and you need a nap and a proper meals. It’s not always the stars. Sometimes it’s just… us.

The Allure of Cosmic Blame

Let’s be honest, it can feel like a bit of a relief to believe that the planets are responsible for our chaos. It makes the mess feel less personal. If your phone auto-deletes your meeting notes or your ex texts you out of nowhere, it’s comforting to mutter “Ugh, Mercury is in the Microwave again!” instead of acknowledging that you might need to update your password or finally block that number.

The idea that something bigger is at play lets us step outside ourselves for a moment. It soothes the ego. It turns little failures into fate and glitches into a galactic soap opera. And it’s dramatic in the best way. We get to say things like, “Of course I cried in Coles, it’s eclipse season,” or “I stalked him on Instagram because I have a Libra Ascendant.” (guilty as charged on that one…)

But here’s the thing: blaming astrology too much can quietly steal our personal power. It tells us that we can’t do anything until Mercury decides to behave. It whispers that accountability is optional and that we are passengers, not pilots. And that’s not just inaccurate, it’s exhausting.

You Are Not a Victim of the Stars

Last week I got snappy with my bestie, locked myself out of my Gmail, and cried into a glass of sauvignon blanc all within the space of 30 minutes. My first instinct was to check the moon phase. Surely this much frazzled emotion had a planetary explanation? Spoiler alert: the moon was chilling. No big alignments, no emotional rollercoasters in the forecast.

Turns out, I was just really tired. Not full-moon tired. Not eclipse tired. Just perimenopausal tired. The kind of tired that wraps itself around your bones and makes you want to sob over a slice of cheese. I needed water, a nap, and someone to remind me that being 42 is basically a full-time job.

It reminded me that sometimes the answer isn’t on your Co-Star app. Sometimes it’s in your sleep tracker, your period tracker, or your fridge. You’re not cursed, my love, you’re dehydrated. You’re not out of alignment, you’re just overdue for a break. The moon isn’t gaslighting you, but your body might be begging for a break from the vino.

Maybe You Just Need to Reset

Look, if Mercury really is in retrograde and your emails vanish into the ether, I get it. I’ll light a candle with you and grumble about technology. But we can’t let the stars be our default explanation every time something goes wrong.

Sometimes we’re not misaligned, we’re just disorganised. We don’t need a birth chart reading, we need a checklist and to turn the router off and on again. Maybe our energy is blocked because we haven’t stretched in three days. And maybe our manifestations aren’t working because we replaced our affirmations with doom-scrolling through Manifestation-tok.

We’re allowed to be messy. We’re allowed to own our mistakes and fix them without blaming the universe. It doesn’t mean you’re not spiritual. It just means you’re grounded. And frankly, that’s a much healthier vibe.

Building Cosmic Accountability

There is a middle ground here. One where you can adore your astrology memes and still take responsibility for your inbox chaos. Where you can love your tarot deck and still own up to being grumpy because you had McDonalds for lunch. You don’t have to pick between logic and magic.

In fact, the real glow-up comes from knowing the difference. Being able to say, “Yes, this full moon feels intense” while also recognising that you’re four hours behind on sleep and emotionally raw from bingeing sad shower girl playlists. Knowing the difference between when to cleanse your space and when to clean your flat.

I think of it like this: astrology can give us insight, but it shouldn’t take the wheel. It’s the seasoning, not the main course. Your decisions, your boundaries, your sleep habits. That’s where the transformation really lives.

Mercury isn’t in retrograde, your router’s just clinging to life and you haven’t had a vegetable since Tuesday.

Your Wi-Fi Isn’t Haunted, Cutie

So the next time your tech throws a tantrum or your brain fog hits, maybe hit pause for a hot second before announcing that Mercury is in the microwave. Restart your phone. Have a banana. Cancel plans and nap dramatically. Cry in the shower. Reboot in every sense of the word.

You don’t have to make everything a mystical moment. Sometimes it’s just life. Life is messy and weird and slightly cruel, but also full of tiny miracles and fresh starts. In fact, every moment, every second, every choice and decision is a fresh start. And you can honour both. You can be soft and powerful. You can forget to charge your laptop and still be deeply in tune with the universe.

Your spiritual practice doesn’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be calm and grounded all the time. But if we stop blaming Mercury for every little inconvenience, we might just find ourselves growing, healing, and resetting like pros.

So light your candle, but also reset your Wi-Fi. Say a prayer, but also take a nap. Be magical, but don’t forget to eat lunch. You’re not broken. You’re just a human being in need of a reset. And you’re doing great.

We Need to Stop Clapping for Basic Decency – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity

In today's episode of Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity, we're unpacking why we need to stop clapping for basic decency. You know the script. A man texts back within twenty-four hours and we're screenshotting it to the group chat. A man plans a date more than three hours in advance and we call him a unicorn. A man manages to listen, pay attention, and behave like a fully formed adult, and our nervous systems short-circuit because we genuinely don't know how to receive it.Here's the truth nobody is saying out loud. The bar has been dragged so low that Satan himself needs a chiropractor after a competitive round of limbo. We've been culturally trained to be grateful for behaviour that should not require gratitude. We've been told these things are bonuses when they're actually the entry requirement. And in the meantime, women have been quietly doing the basic decency thing forever, without applause, while men get standing ovations for outputs we generated for them.Today we're talking about why a great man is genuinely just an average woman, who benefits when the bar stays low, the invisible labour women have been performing for free for centuries, and the friend-test that cuts straight through every excuse we've ever made for mediocre men. Let's get into it.For more visit BryJaimea.com or follow over on IG @BryJaimea

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