Being 'Too Much' Was Never Your Problem

You Were Never Too Much

Since the beginning of time (or at least since school assemblies), I’ve been told I’m too much. Too loud, too opinionated, too emotional, too sparkly for someone who wasn’t even wearing sequins. People suggested I tone it down, take up less space, maybe try being a little more beige. And I tried. Oh, I tried. The early days of this blog is testament to that. I contorted myself into quieter, smaller shapes, thinking that if I could just be a whisper instead of a whole damn song, I’d finally be loved. But plot twist: the problem was never me. The problem was a world built for whispers, not symphonies.

Sound familiar? If you’ve ever been told you’re too enthusiastic, too deep, too excitable, too anything, then welcome to the club. Membership includes spontaneous crying, passionate rants, and wild dreams that make spreadsheets weep. But here’s the thing: what if those very traits that made people squint at you in confusion are your superpowers? What if you weren’t too much – just too bright for dimly lit rooms?

The whole ‘too much’ nonsense? That’s not your weight to carry. It’s a reflection of a world that doesn’t know how to hold all that gorgeous, glittery you-ness. So let’s be clear – you’re not too much. You’re just more than some people can handle without short-circuiting.

Society’s Expectations To Dim Our Sparkle

Oh, society. That not-so-charming little voice that tells you to be confident but not intimidating, expressive but not loud, radiant but not too shiny. None of this tall-poppy-syndrome nonsense. It hands us a checklist of contradictions and expects us to perform an interpretive dance called ‘palatable womanhood’ (yeah, nah). But the truth is, the world doesn’t need more women cosplaying Barbie. It needs real people. The kind who show up with their full selves – messy, magical, and marvellously unpredictable.

From a young age, we learn to zip ourselves up in personality Spanx (Skimms?) to make others more comfortable. Don’t laugh too loud, don’t cry in public, and for heaven’s sake, don’t be the only one in the room who still believes in magic. But the cost of dimming your light? Disconnection. Exhaustion. Losing the plot of your own story.

Undoing this conditioning is a bit like unlearning the lyrics to a song you’ve been singing your whole life. Awkward at first, but eventually freeing. You begin to realise how many of your quirks were actually your charm, how many of your ‘flaws’ were just facets of your brilliance. You weren’t the problem – the expectation to be small was.

The World Needs Your Fullness

Every time someone said you were too much, what they really meant was, “Your sparkle is giving me a migraine.” And that’s okay – not everyone can handle fabulous. But their reaction isn’t your responsibility. You weren’t made to be digestible. You were made to be a feast.

The right people? They’ll never flinch when your emotions spill out like confetti. They’ll love the way your thoughts zigzag and your heart roars. They’ll match your energy or sit with you quietly while you radiate. They won’t tell you to quiet down – they’ll turn the volume up and dance with you.

Stop squeezing into places that shrink you. Stop bending for people who only love flat-pack versions of humans. You were born to be full-size, full-souled, and absolutely unforgettable. Let that be your standard from now on.

Reclaiming Your ‘Too Much’

Reclaiming yourself means swapping out your apology playlist for one titled Here I Am, Deal With It. It means letting your emotions take up space and your passions make noise. It means remembering that trying to be less won’t make you more loveable – it’ll just make you tired.

You don’t need to be understood by everyone. Some people prefer their tea lukewarm. Let them. You’re a spiced chai latte with a kick. Your job is not to be everyone’s cup. It’s your job to be your own overflowing, chaotic, steaming mug of realness.

When I stopped filtering myself through the lens of acceptability, everything changed. I found my people – the ones who loved me for my tangents, my lost cabooses, my big feelings, my laugh that could summon Cthulu himself. Your people are out there too. But they can’t find you if you’re busy hiding.

Let Yourself Take Up Space!

Taking up space doesn’t mean grabbing a megaphone and announcing your presence in the fancy cheese aisle (unless that’s your vibe). It means showing up without folding yourself in half. It means saying what you mean, loving how you love, and refusing to apologise for existing in technicolour.

Sometimes it’s as subtle as a no. Sometimes it’s a full-body yes. It’s reclaiming your right to rest, to rage, to cry during John Lewis Christmas commercials if you need to. It’s choosing to be your whole self – the loud bits, the soft bits, the chaotic brilliance in between.

There’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not too much, you’re just not beige, and that’s a good thing! The right people won’t just tolerate your sparkle, they’ll cheerlead you on while you bedazzle the whole damn room.

Self-Compassion

Some days, you’ll still feel like hiding. You’ll catch yourself wondering if you should edit your enthusiasm or water down your joy. That’s okay. You’re not broken, you’re just healing. Those doubts? They’re echoes from a world that wanted you in mute. Let them pass.

Self-compassion looks like whispering kind things to yourself when the world feels sharp. It’s giggling through your mistakes and loving your too-muchness on the days it feels like a burden. It’s giving yourself the grace to be a masterpiece and a work-in-progress all at once.

You don’t need to be fearless. You just need to be you, even in small, slightly unhinged ways. Especially in small, slightly unhinged ways.

You weren’t made to be digestible. You were made to be devoured.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever been told you were too much, here’s your permission slip to call that out for the nonsense it is. You are not too much. You were just never meant to be dimmed.

You are powerful. You are vibrant. You are the plot twist in an otherwise boring room. And you deserve to be loved for all of it – the tears, the tangents, the tenderness, the fire. The people who get it? They’ll get you. Completely.

So here’s your invitation: take up space. Be loud. Be messy. Be magnificent. The world is better with your full, unruly, glorious self in it.

You Are Not Entitled to an Answer – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity

In this episode of Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity, we're unpacking why you are not entitled to an answer. Specifically, we're talking about the strange little corner of modern dating where a few days of app chat somehow becomes an emotional contract, and suddenly a man you've never met believes your silence requires a formal explanation, a debrief, and possibly a follow-up meeting with management.I have two stories for you. One man who talked almost exclusively about himself, ignored the fact that I was sick, and then followed up a week later asking whether I'd reconsidered his "request for clarification". And another who became offended because I didn't respond to his selfie within two hours while I was lying in a dark room with a migraine. Sir. Please be serious.Because here's the thing. Before you've met someone, you do not owe them unlimited access to your time, attention, reassurance, or emotional labour. You don't have to justify why the vibes changed. You don't need a reason they'll consider reasonable. You are allowed to disengage because something felt off, because you changed your mind, because you met someone else, or because you're in your luteal phase and frankly the entire world can wait.Today we're talking about the difference between ghosting and simply disengaging, why demanding closure can become a boundary violation, the exhausting expectation that women should manage men's feelings for them, and why you do not need to JADE, justify, argue, defend, or explain, when you've already decided you're done. Let's get into it.Key Takeaways:A few days of chatting does not create a debt. Matching on an app, exchanging messages, or talking on the phone does not give someone a claim on your attention. Until you've actually built a connection, you are allowed to walk away without submitting supporting documentation.Closure is not something another person can demand from you. Asking once is one thing. Continuing to push after someone has clearly disengaged is not persistence or emotional maturity. It's refusing to accept the answer you've already been given.You do not need to JADE. You don't have to justify, argue, defend, or explain why you're no longer interested. The reason doesn't have to be good enough for him. It just has to be yours.Pre-date silence and post-date silence are not the same thing. If you've never met, disengaging is part of app dating. Once you've shared an actual date or developed a genuine connection, a simple goodbye becomes basic courtesy. Nobody needs a dissertation, but acknowledging another human being matters.Sometimes they don't miss you. They miss the audience. Someone can seem interested while actually being interested in having your attention. Real connection requires curiosity about you. If the only time they become deeply engaged is when you're leaving, pay attention to that.For more visit ⁠BryJaimea.com⁠ or follow over on IG ⁠@BryJaimea

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