Ten Things That Count as Emotional Regulation

The Art of Not Spiralling (Even When You Want To)

Some days, emotional regulation looks like breathwork. Other days, it looks like not throwing your phone into the bin when someone says something annoying on the internet. It’s not always glamorous. No one claps for you when you choose a green juice over texting your ex. But those tiny, quiet moments? They matter more than you think.

For me, it started when I noticed I only ever lit incense when I was sad. Not for the vibes. Not for a ritual. Just as a cry for help wrapped in sandalwood smoke. I started lighting it when I was fine too. Happy. Tired. Doing laundry. It felt like I was telling my nervous system: Hey, we’re safe. And we like things that smell like peace (and don’t risk singeing Lulu’s eyebrows like that one traumatic kitten incident).

Emotional regulation isn’t a big moment. It’s micro-decisions layered over each other like a half melted Flake. It’s noticing the wobble before the meltdown. It’s walking away from the fridge at midnight because you’re not hungry, you’re just feeling. It’s texting your bestie “I’m spiralling lol” instead of letting yourself emotionally buy a new personality on SheIn.

Chaos Goblin, But Make It Functional

Let’s be clear: I am a deeply unregulated girlie by default. I grew up on emotional chaos and late-night cheese toasties. My nervous system is like an old dial-up modem. It can function, but not without squealing. So regulating myself sometimes feels like I’m trying to soothe a feral raccoon with a meditation app.

But over time, I’ve learnt what works for me. It’s not just journaling (I despise journaling… even though this blog is technically journally… hush now…). It’s dancing around to a playlist I made for myself called “Cry But Make It Sexy.” It’s standing barefoot on grass even through the risk of bindis. It’s washing my hair when I’m sad because Sad Girl Hair is a slippery slope and I deserve not to smell like regret.

Sometimes emotional regulation is deciding not to start a new situationship just because I’m lonely. Sometimes it’s checking the moon phase before I spiral. Sometimes it’s having a boiled egg and some protein before I dare open my notes app to record a feelings monologue. Discipline isn’t always sexy. But chaos in a corset is still chaos.

The Little Things That Count (But Shouldn’t Have To)

We live in a world where emotional regulation is often dressed up in yoga pants and $30 smoothies. But what if it’s simpler than that? What if it’s letting your body know: I’m not going to abandon you again today. I’m not going to push you past your limits. I’m not going to punish you for feeling too much.

For me, it’s:

1. Drinking water before the breakdown
A full water bottle is a love letter to future you. It says, “I see you coming, babe, and I’m already trying.”

2. Stretching instead of scrolling
The reach for my phone is often just my brain begging for dopamine. A stretch gives me that. Plus, I pretend I’m in that one scene from The Next Generation where Troi and Crusher do stretches together in matching outfits and emotional repression.

3. Taking a breath before replying
Just one. One tiny breath. It’s saved friendships, relationships, and the urge to send a twelve-paragraph text that ends with “…you do you, babe.”

4. Reorganising your pantry
Is it a distraction? Yes. Is it soothing? Also yes. Bonus points if you label everything like a YouTube girlie on Adderall.

5. Having a cry in the shower like it’s a movie scene
Water, sound, privacy. Triple threat. Emotional release + skincare. We love a multitasking queen.

6. Deleting the playlist he made you and replacing it with Halsey
Or dramatically blocking him while listening to ‘I Am Not a Woman, I’m a God’ and making eye contact with your reflection like you’re performing an exorcism..

7. Not replying to the passive-aggressive message
Because I know my silence is louder. Because I know their chaos doesn’t get to hijack my peace.

8. Eating an actual meal instead of just wine and crackers
Because your body needs salad. No, wine is not considered “fruit salad”.

9. Going to bed before the second existential scroll session kicks in
Even though I know I’ll want to stay up and re-read old texts and spiral. Sleep wins. Every time.

10. Brushing your hair before you cry
Because regulated doesn’t have to mean polished. Just cared for.

You’re Not Broken, You’re Just Between Spirals

You don’t need to be perfect. You don’t need a 5-step plan or a therapist-approved toolkit (though if you’ve got one, love that for you). You just need to keep choosing yourself in small, imperfect ways. You need to remember that emotional regulation doesn’t always feel like peace. Sometimes it feels like frustration, boredom, or fighting the urge to disappear into snacks and screen time. But it’s still progress.

Regulation is about being honest with yourself. It’s about pausing long enough to ask: What do I actually need right now? Is this going to help me feel more grounded, or just more distracted? And it’s about answering that without shame. You don’t need to earn rest. You don’t need to suffer to be worthy of softness.

You’re doing better than you think. You’re holding the line. You’re trying. And that’s the work. Light the incense. Drink the water. Send the message. Take the nap. Cry if you need to. But don’t forget to breathe. You’re still here. And that’s enough. Keep choosing the things that make you feel more you. Even if it’s just brushing your hair before you cry.

You Are Not Entitled to an Answer – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity

In this episode of Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity, we're unpacking why you are not entitled to an answer. Specifically, we're talking about the strange little corner of modern dating where a few days of app chat somehow becomes an emotional contract, and suddenly a man you've never met believes your silence requires a formal explanation, a debrief, and possibly a follow-up meeting with management.I have two stories for you. One man who talked almost exclusively about himself, ignored the fact that I was sick, and then followed up a week later asking whether I'd reconsidered his "request for clarification". And another who became offended because I didn't respond to his selfie within two hours while I was lying in a dark room with a migraine. Sir. Please be serious.Because here's the thing. Before you've met someone, you do not owe them unlimited access to your time, attention, reassurance, or emotional labour. You don't have to justify why the vibes changed. You don't need a reason they'll consider reasonable. You are allowed to disengage because something felt off, because you changed your mind, because you met someone else, or because you're in your luteal phase and frankly the entire world can wait.Today we're talking about the difference between ghosting and simply disengaging, why demanding closure can become a boundary violation, the exhausting expectation that women should manage men's feelings for them, and why you do not need to JADE, justify, argue, defend, or explain, when you've already decided you're done. Let's get into it.Key Takeaways:A few days of chatting does not create a debt. Matching on an app, exchanging messages, or talking on the phone does not give someone a claim on your attention. Until you've actually built a connection, you are allowed to walk away without submitting supporting documentation.Closure is not something another person can demand from you. Asking once is one thing. Continuing to push after someone has clearly disengaged is not persistence or emotional maturity. It's refusing to accept the answer you've already been given.You do not need to JADE. You don't have to justify, argue, defend, or explain why you're no longer interested. The reason doesn't have to be good enough for him. It just has to be yours.Pre-date silence and post-date silence are not the same thing. If you've never met, disengaging is part of app dating. Once you've shared an actual date or developed a genuine connection, a simple goodbye becomes basic courtesy. Nobody needs a dissertation, but acknowledging another human being matters.Sometimes they don't miss you. They miss the audience. Someone can seem interested while actually being interested in having your attention. Real connection requires curiosity about you. If the only time they become deeply engaged is when you're leaving, pay attention to that.For more visit ⁠BryJaimea.com⁠ or follow over on IG ⁠@BryJaimea

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