Resting Bitch Face is Not A "You" Problem

Smiling on Demand is Exhausting

As a teenager, the boys in my area would often tell me not to smile, unless it was my “bitch smile.” This was a closed-mouth smile that, admittedly, made my cheekbones pop. It wasn’t my natural smile, but it was the one they deemed acceptable. Then, as I grew older and entered the workforce, I was told I had resting bitch face. Apparently, I looked unapproachable and even scary. Sure, I was wearing bright red lipstick with winged eyeliner and had jet-black hair. It was a very pin-up look. But the comments about my resting bitch face weren’t about my makeup. They were about the way I naturally looked when I wasn’t forcing myself to perform friendliness.

At first, I tried to adapt. I softened my makeup and made an effort to appear more “approachable” in the office. I smiled more, even when I didn’t feel like it., I made sure my facial expressions put other people at ease, even if it meant masking my own emotions. But the truth is, I shouldn’t have had to. My resting bitch face was never the problem. The problem was people who thought they were entitled to constant visual cues of warmth and agreeability from me.

Now, I’ve stopped caring how others perceive me. I owe no one a smile or a certain kind of smile. I do not exist to be palatable to strangers, and neither do you. The idea that we should all look permanently cheerful is exhausting and unrealistic. It’s time we let go of the pressure to make others comfortable at the expense of our own authenticity.

The Double Standard of Facial Expectations

There’s a strange expectation placed on women to always appear warm and pleasant and approachable. We are told to smile, to look friendly, to avoid being too intense. Meanwhile, men are rarely, if ever, asked to adjust their facial expressions to make others feel at ease. No one tells a man to smile more in a meeting. No one comments on whether he looks “approachable” while walking down the street.

This double standard is so frustrating! It reinforces the idea that our faces exist for other people’s consumption. It suggests that being neutral or even slightly serious is unacceptable. But a neutral face is just that, neutral. It doesn’t mean we’re angry, rude, or disinterested. It just means we’re existing without putting on a performance.

I used to overthink my expressions all the time. Was I looking too cold? Did I seem rude? Would this stranger be more comfortable if I forced a little smile? It was exhausting, and honestly, it never changed anything. People still made assumptions based on their own biases, not my actual behaviour.

The Myth of the Resting Bitch Face

A resting face that doesn’t default to a grin is often labelled as unfriendly or intimidating. But who decided that friendliness must always be expressed through a smile? Some of the kindest, most generous people I know have naturally serious expressions. Conversely, some of the… less kind… people are always grinning. A smile doesn’t determine character, and neither does a neutral expression.

If someone assumes the worst about you based on your resting face, that’s their bias, not your fault. You are not responsible for making strangers feel comfortable at all times. If your presence alone intimidates them, they need to examine their own assumptions.

Owning Your Face with Confidence

It took me a long time to stop adjusting my face for other people’s comfort. Now, I let my expressions be natural. If I smile, it’s because I feel like it, not because someone demands it. If I look serious, that’s fine too. My face is my own, and it’s not my job to shape it into something more digestible for others.

Confidence doesn’t come from forcing yourself to smile. It comes from knowing that you are enough just as you are. Your worth isn’t determined by how friendly you look. You do not need to shrink yourself or change your appearance to make others feel at ease.

There was a time when I would catch a glimpse of myself in a shop window and immediately adjust my expression. Now, I don’t. That person staring back at me looks strong, grounded, and exactly how they are meant to look.

Why You Don’t Owe Anyone a Smile

Many of us have been conditioned to feel guilty when we’re not actively presenting a happy, welcoming expression. But that guilt is unnecessary. If someone has an issue with your face, that’s on them. You don’t need to alter your natural state just to meet their expectations.

Because smiling on demand is draining. It’s a constant, low-level performance that benefits everyone but you. It’s fine to be warm and friendly when you want to be, but the key words are when you want to be. If you’re walking down the street, deep in thought, you don’t need to plaster on a grin to reassure strangers. If you’re at work, focused on a task, you don’t need to force a perpetual look of delight to appease your colleagues.

You are allowed to exist without a constant display of pleasantness. Your resting face is not a problem that needs fixing.

The next time someone comments on your expression, remind yourself that their discomfort is not your responsibility. You don’t need to smile on command. You don’t need to soften your features to make others comfortable. And you are allowed to exist as you are.

My face is not public property, and my smile is not customer service. If my resting face bothers you, that sounds like a you problem.

Final Thoughts

For years, I thought my face needed fixing. I thought I had to wear the right makeup, smile just enough, and present myself in a way that made people feel at ease. But the truth is, my face is fine exactly as it is. So is yours.

We shouldn’t feel pressured to walk around smiling constantly. Life is full of different emotions, and we should be free to wear all of them without worrying how they’re perceived. Your resting bitch face is not your problem. If someone can’t handle it, that’s their issue, not yours.

Be yourself. Let go of the need to please everyone. And most importantly, never let anyone tell you that your face needs fixing.

We Need to Stop Clapping for Basic Decency – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity

In today's episode of Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity, we're unpacking why we need to stop clapping for basic decency. You know the script. A man texts back within twenty-four hours and we're screenshotting it to the group chat. A man plans a date more than three hours in advance and we call him a unicorn. A man manages to listen, pay attention, and behave like a fully formed adult, and our nervous systems short-circuit because we genuinely don't know how to receive it.Here's the truth nobody is saying out loud. The bar has been dragged so low that Satan himself needs a chiropractor after a competitive round of limbo. We've been culturally trained to be grateful for behaviour that should not require gratitude. We've been told these things are bonuses when they're actually the entry requirement. And in the meantime, women have been quietly doing the basic decency thing forever, without applause, while men get standing ovations for outputs we generated for them.Today we're talking about why a great man is genuinely just an average woman, who benefits when the bar stays low, the invisible labour women have been performing for free for centuries, and the friend-test that cuts straight through every excuse we've ever made for mediocre men. Let's get into it.For more visit BryJaimea.com or follow over on IG @BryJaimea

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