Exhausted? It’s Not You, It’s the System

The Myth of Having It All

Remember “girl boss” culture? The rise-and-grind, latte-fuelled fantasy where we were meant to juggle a full-time career, a side hustle, an immaculate home, fulfilling relationships, and six-step skincare routines – all with perfect eyebrows and a ~~green smoothie~~ matcha latte in hand. Turns out, “having it all” is just code for “doing it all,” and we’re absolutely shattered.

Instead of living the dream, most of us ended up clinging to reality by a thread. We gave everything to a system that thrives on our burnout. The harder we worked, the more it demanded. The goalposts? Gone. The finish line? Moved. And somewhere between replying to emails at 11pm and crying into our almond milk lattes, we started to wonder – why does success feel like a trap?

Plot twist: it was never about us. Not our hustle, not our drive, not even our planner addiction. It’s the system. One that thrives on unpaid overtime, emotional labour, and the belief that if you’re not exhausted, you’re not doing enough. Plot twist numero duo: you were never supposed to win. Not at those rules.

Burnout Was Baked In

It started innocently enough. A bit of overtime here, a few weekend emails there. I remember checking emails before bed, at 11pm, responding to messages from my boss sent just minutes earlier. It felt urgent. Like if I didn’t reply straight away, I’d fall behind. Then came the era of the side hustle. Suddenly, we were working two jobs and trying to look aesthetic while doing it.

We gave everything to the machine. We told ourselves we were ambitious, that the hustle would pay off, that burnout was just a stepping stone to success. But the truth is, the harder we worked, the more the system demanded. And if we ever dared to slow down? We were made to feel like we were falling behind.

The goalposts kept shifting. That promotion turned into a heavier workload with no pay rise. That side hustle became a second job we weren’t even enjoying. We weren’t thriving. We were surviving. And deeply craving a nap.

The Lie of Personal Failure

Eventually, we started blaming ourselves. If we were still exhausted, surely we were doing something wrong? Maybe we weren’t productive enough, or maybe our morning routine needed more lemon water. Maybe we needed a gratitude journal and a better brand of coffee. Or again, maybe I wasn’t Type-A enough?

So we internalised the problem. We thought if we just worked smarter or woke up earlier or learnt to meditate with a crystal grid, we’d finally crack the code. But none of it worked. Because the issue was never about our lack of effort. It was the fact that the system was built to drain us.

This isn’t a personal failure. It never was. It’s structural, i’s cultural. and it’s centuries of unpaid labour and performative productivity wrapped up in a pastel Kikki-K planner. The modern world doesn’t reward rest. It calls it lazy, because it doesn’t value ease. It glorifies the struggle.

The System Was Rigged From the Start

Let’s be honest, the system was never designed with us in mind. Especially if you exist outside the narrow mould of power. It was built for exploitation, for endless growth, for keeping the wheels turning at the cost of our well-being. And worst of all, it convinced us we were lucky to be allowed on the treadmill.

We were taught to celebrate busy. To wear exhaustion like a badge of honour, to stay late at work and call it dedication, and to burn out and call it success. Meanwhile, the people at the top? They were napping. Or on a yacht. Or spending $11m to buy 10 minutes in Space. I’m side-eyeing you, Katy Perry.

It was a neat trick. Keep everyone exhausted and convinced the problem is them, and they’ll never notice who benefits from all their hard work. Spoiler: it’s not us. It’s the system that profits from our burnout. The same system that tells us self-care is a bubble bath instead of fair wages and a four-day work week.

What’s the quote? “The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”. Meditate on that.

Reclaiming Your Energy

So what now? Do we burn it all down and move to a remote village with goats? Tempting, but I think my hayfever might protest, so maybe not entirely practical. Instead, what if we started by stepping off the hamster wheel, even just a little?

Reclaiming your energy doesn’t mean quitting everything. It might mean saying no more often. Letting go of that side hustle you secretly hate. Taking a lunch break instead of eating at your desk. Actually using your annual leave. Smelling the roses, not just sharing a photo of them on Instagram. Resting without guilt. You are allowed.

We have to stop treating exhaustion as the default. It’s not noble to be permanently tired. It’s not weak to rest. In fact, choosing rest in a world that constantly demands more from you? That’s powerful. It’s resistance. It’s survival.

A New Definition of Success

Maybe success isn’t climbing the ladder if the ladder is leaning against a collapsing building that’s also on fire. Maybe it’s not about doing more but doing what matters. Or maybe it’s not about proving your worth through productivity but remembering that you have worth, full stop.

Success can be quiet. It can look like joy. Saying no. Boundaries. Time to breathe. A weekend without emails. A day without pressure. A moment where you remember who you are when you’re not performing.

The system won’t hand us that version of success. We have to claim it for ourselves. Piece by piece. Choice by choice. Even if that starts with the wildly radical act of resting your eyes for a few minutes on a Tuesday.

You Were Never Supposed to Win Their Game

Here’s the twist: you were never meant to win. Not with those rules. The system thrives when you’re tired, doubting yourself, and striving for impossible standards. And if that makes you angry? Good. It should.

Because your tiredness is not a flaw. It’s a symptom. Your overwhelm is not a weakness. It’s a signal. You are not broken – you are responding to a broken system with the exact amount of burnout that system was designed to create.

You are not failing. You’re waking up.

Turns out, ‘having it all’ is just code for ‘doing it all’ – and I’m bloody exhausted.

Let It Be Enough

I used to think I just needed to try harder. A better planner. A more productive morning. A new hobby-slash-side hustle-slash-personality. Turns out, what I actually needed was a nap and someone to say, “Hey, maybe it’s not you. Maybe this whole thing is a bit cooked.”

There’s a kind of peace in letting that sink in. All the exhaustion and pressure and late-night spirals weren’t about me being a failure – they were symptoms of a system doing exactly what it was built to do. And that means we don’t have to keep playing by those rules. We get to opt out, even if it’s just in tiny, defiant ways.

So if you’re tired, rest. If you’re over it, take a breath. You don’t need to earn your worth through struggle. Honestly, if all you manage today is brushing your teeth and not yelling at the news, I call that a win. Let it be enough. You are.

You Are Not Entitled to an Answer – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity

In this episode of Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity, we're unpacking why you are not entitled to an answer. Specifically, we're talking about the strange little corner of modern dating where a few days of app chat somehow becomes an emotional contract, and suddenly a man you've never met believes your silence requires a formal explanation, a debrief, and possibly a follow-up meeting with management.I have two stories for you. One man who talked almost exclusively about himself, ignored the fact that I was sick, and then followed up a week later asking whether I'd reconsidered his "request for clarification". And another who became offended because I didn't respond to his selfie within two hours while I was lying in a dark room with a migraine. Sir. Please be serious.Because here's the thing. Before you've met someone, you do not owe them unlimited access to your time, attention, reassurance, or emotional labour. You don't have to justify why the vibes changed. You don't need a reason they'll consider reasonable. You are allowed to disengage because something felt off, because you changed your mind, because you met someone else, or because you're in your luteal phase and frankly the entire world can wait.Today we're talking about the difference between ghosting and simply disengaging, why demanding closure can become a boundary violation, the exhausting expectation that women should manage men's feelings for them, and why you do not need to JADE, justify, argue, defend, or explain, when you've already decided you're done. Let's get into it.Key Takeaways:A few days of chatting does not create a debt. Matching on an app, exchanging messages, or talking on the phone does not give someone a claim on your attention. Until you've actually built a connection, you are allowed to walk away without submitting supporting documentation.Closure is not something another person can demand from you. Asking once is one thing. Continuing to push after someone has clearly disengaged is not persistence or emotional maturity. It's refusing to accept the answer you've already been given.You do not need to JADE. You don't have to justify, argue, defend, or explain why you're no longer interested. The reason doesn't have to be good enough for him. It just has to be yours.Pre-date silence and post-date silence are not the same thing. If you've never met, disengaging is part of app dating. Once you've shared an actual date or developed a genuine connection, a simple goodbye becomes basic courtesy. Nobody needs a dissertation, but acknowledging another human being matters.Sometimes they don't miss you. They miss the audience. Someone can seem interested while actually being interested in having your attention. Real connection requires curiosity about you. If the only time they become deeply engaged is when you're leaving, pay attention to that.For more visit ⁠BryJaimea.com⁠ or follow over on IG ⁠@BryJaimea

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