It Took Until My 40s to Get Hot – But Not in the Fun Way

Welcome to the Heatwave

I always thought “getting hot in your 40s” meant confidence, style, maybe finally mastering the art of a bold lip. But here I am, at forty-two, and I’m officially hot – as in, constantly flushed, sweating through the night, and wondering if my internal thermostat has completely lost the plot.

I was sure I’d sail through perimenopause. I eat well, drink water, move my body, and try to live mindfully. I thought I’d done enough groundwork to earn an easy ride. But no. My hormones have other plans. And let me tell you, they’re spicy.

It started with the night sweats. One minute I was fast asleep, the next I was kicking off the covers, convinced the bed had turned into a sauna. Then came the daytime flushes, like an invisible heatwave sneaking up my spine. I’d be mid-conversation, mid-meeting, mid-sip-of-tea, and boom – I’m glowing like a human radiator.

When Your Body Turns Into a Furnace

Hot flushes are wild. They don’t build up gradually. They hit you out of nowhere, like your body’s just remembered it forgot to set itself on fire today. It’s like being embarrassed, but without the blushing and with more sweat.

I’ve had to change how I dress. Layers are key. Sleeveless tops in winter? Absolutely. I’m that person opening windows when it’s freezing outside*. My poor colleagues are used to me asking if the aircon is broken yet again, or if it’s just me. It’s always just me.

The worst is when I’m out and about. A hot flush in public makes me feel like I’m hiding a secret volcano under my skin. I’ll be standing there smiling politely while internally panicking, wondering if everyone else can see me melting.

*ok ok, so I have always done this. When I lived in Scotland, the bedroom window wouldn’t be closed until it reached 0C outside.

And Then There’s the Brain Fog

Just when I was adjusting to the heat, the brain fog rolled in. It’s like my thoughts are trying to swim through porridge. I’ll walk into a room and have no idea why I’m there. Words I use daily suddenly vanish mid-sentence. It’s frustrating and, at times, really upsetting.

I used to pride myself on my clarity, my memory, my ability to juggle a dozen things at once. Now, I feel like I’m constantly rebooting. I have sticky notes, phone reminders, whiteboards – all trying to keep my mind on track. My poor bestie has slowly grown used to me losing my kaboose mid voice-note, my thoughts trailing off into the sunset while I try to remember what point I was trying to make.

It’s humbling, in a way. This season of life demands patience, kindness, and more than a little self-deprecating humour. Because if I don’t laugh, I’ll cry. And if I cry, I’ll probably sweat.

Mood Swings and Tender Feelings

Nobody really warns you about the emotional rollercoaster. I thought I was just feeling a bit “off”. Turns out, I’d become a mood yo-yo. Calm one minute, weepy the next. It’s exhausting. But also, weirdly, clarifying.

I don’t have the bandwidth for pretending anymore. My emotional tolerance has shrunk to fit what actually matters. I’m more honest about how I feel, more willing to walk away from things that drain me. The heat might be uncomfortable, but the clarity it’s bringing? Surprisingly refreshing. Suddenly, what matters most has become glaringly obvious. That deep-and-meaningful conversation about your new vacuum cleaner, Jenny, is not on the list.

Some days, I feel everything too deeply. Like I’m raw around the edges. But I’m also softer with myself than I’ve ever been. Kinder. And I think that’s a gift.

Cooling Strategies I Swear By

Warm water (counterintuitive, I know) continues to be one of my daily staples. Inspired by traditional Chinese medicine, it supports my digestion and calms my nervous system far better than cold water ever did. Western culture tells us to reach for the ice, but sipping something warm has helped me feel more balanced from the inside out.

Then there are my beloved bamboo sheets. Honestly, if you haven’t tried them yet, they’re a game-changer. They’re breathable, soft, and somehow always feel cool to the touch. Combine that with a rotating cast of fans in every room, and I’ve got myself a little breeze brigade keeping things tolerable.

And of course, chrysanthemum tea. Light, floral, and incredibly soothing, it’s become part of my wind-down ritual each night. Cooling for the body and calming for the mind, it’s like a soft lullaby in a cup. These little changes aren’t scientific breakthroughs, but they’ve made life in this molten midlife chapter a whole lot more manageable.

What Nobody Tells You

Perimenopause isn’t just hot flushes and skipped periods. It’s a full-body recalibration. Your sleep might change. Your skin might feel different. Your emotions might shift. And while it can sneak up on you earlier than expected, for me it didn’t show up at all until I was forty-one. One moment, everything felt completely normal, and the next – bam – perimenopause. There were no hints, no warning signs, just sudden and dramatic hormonal changes, like my body had flipped a switch overnight.

I wasn’t easing into anything. I went from zero to chaos without a moment to brace myself. One week I was sleeping soundly, the next I was waking up three times a night, drenched and disoriented. It felt like my body had been keeping secrets and finally decided to let them all out at once.

It wasn’t until I started asking questions and talking to my mum that I realised how common this sudden onset actually is. And that’s the part nobody tells you – that you might not get a gentle lead-in. But there’s power in naming it. In saying, “This is perimenopause, and it’s okay to talk about it.” Because once we do, it feels a little less lonely.

Welcome to perimenopause: where your body plays ‘hot or not’ and the answer is always hot.

A New Kind of Hot

So yes, I’m hot. All the time. Not because I’ve finally unlocked some magical allure, but because my hormones are throwing a party and forgot to invite logic.

But you know what? This version of me, mid-sweat, mid-reinvention, is stronger than ever. I’m learning to listen to my body, to slow down, to tune in. There’s something beautiful about that. I’ve stopped wasting time on things that don’t serve me. I care less about impressing people and more about protecting my energy. The internal thermostat chaos has made it crystal clear who and what is worth my time.

This isn’t the hot I imagined. But it’s honest. It’s real. And it’s mine. It’s the kind of hot that burns away the noise and reveals the gold underneath. And honestly, that feels like power.

We Need to Stop Clapping for Basic Decency – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity

In today's episode of Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity, we're unpacking why we need to stop clapping for basic decency. You know the script. A man texts back within twenty-four hours and we're screenshotting it to the group chat. A man plans a date more than three hours in advance and we call him a unicorn. A man manages to listen, pay attention, and behave like a fully formed adult, and our nervous systems short-circuit because we genuinely don't know how to receive it.Here's the truth nobody is saying out loud. The bar has been dragged so low that Satan himself needs a chiropractor after a competitive round of limbo. We've been culturally trained to be grateful for behaviour that should not require gratitude. We've been told these things are bonuses when they're actually the entry requirement. And in the meantime, women have been quietly doing the basic decency thing forever, without applause, while men get standing ovations for outputs we generated for them.Today we're talking about why a great man is genuinely just an average woman, who benefits when the bar stays low, the invisible labour women have been performing for free for centuries, and the friend-test that cuts straight through every excuse we've ever made for mediocre men. Let's get into it.For more visit  BryJaimea.com or follow over on IG  @BryJaimea

1. We Need to Stop Clapping for Basic Decency 11:56
2. The Wine Aunt Manifesto 16:21
3. Who Said Anything About a Crisis? 13:07

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