You Up? vs You Destroyed Me a Bit
I’ve spoken before about my past complicationships, most notably the Alcoholic-Ex-Bestie. So, if you’ve been here a while, you’ll know the kind. The ones that linger like a passive-aggressive perfume cloud after a toxic ex walks past. But every time I mention them, someone always asks, “Hang on, isn’t that just a situationship?”
Oh no, darling. That’s like comparing a puddle to a full-blown flood. A situationship is more like a chill puddle. A little emotionally shallow, kinda fun to jump in, but you know it’s not going to sweep you away. A complicationship, on the other hand, is a monsoon of emotional chaos, existential crises, and probably a joint bank account you almost opened together.
Let me break it down. A situationship is a vibe. A flirt. Maybe a little sneaky link that turns into regular Thursday night canoodling. You’re not planning your life together, you’re just vibing. There’s ambiguity, yes, but no one’s crying in the shower because he said he didn’t believe in soulmates. A complicationship? That’s the kind of thing that leaves scorch marks on your personality.
Situationships: The Casual Chaos
Situationships are the modern curse of the dating app era. You match, you talk, you meet, and then you exist in a weird little limbo where no one wants to label it. You don’t meet the friends. You don’t share your traumas. But you do end up watching seven seasons of a TV show together because you’ve got nothing better to do. It’s convenient. It’s non-threatening. It’s low-stakes limbo.
Sometimes, they’re great. You don’t want a relationship, they don’t want a relationship, and suddenly you’ve got a reliable cuddle buddy and someone who’ll split the Uber Eats minimum spend with you. It’s cute. But let’s be honest, it’s never really satisfying. It’s the rice cake of dating. Fills the space, but doesn’t really hit the spot.
They can drag on way longer than they should. Especially if neither of you is ready to commit, but neither wants to lose the other. You end up in this awkward in-between where there’s just enough intimacy to keep you invested, but not enough depth to make it meaningful. And then one day they ghost you because they “weren’t ready for something serious” and you have to pretend you’re not hurt because technically they never said they were your boyfriend.
Complicationships: The Deep End with Sharks
Now a complicationship? Oh, that’s a different beast. That’s when you’ve trauma bonded over mutual daddy issues, you’ve talked about baby names, you’ve planned holidays you never end up taking. It’s not just messy, it’s nuclear. It’s the love story that starts with sparks and ends with therapy.
This isn’t just someone you hung out with. This is someone who felt like your twin flame. Until they didn’t. It’s intense. It’s passionate. You swear they’re the one. And then, slowly, the cracks start to show. Maybe they’re emotionally unavailable. Maybe they refuse to go to therapy. Maybe they still call their ex when they’re drunk. Or maybe they’re spiralling into addiction and you’re stuck trying to save them while forgetting to save yourself.
Complicationships are heavy. They teach you things you didn’t want to learn. Like how far you’re willing to go for someone who won’t meet you halfway. Like how easy it is to lose yourself in the name of love. They’re not just hard to end. They haunt you. Because you saw potential. You saw a life. But they weren’t ready to grow into the person you needed. And now you’re left holding all the “what ifs.”
Why It’s Important to Know the Difference
Because it saves you from gaslighting yourself. If you’re crying every night and googling “how to fix someone who refuses to fix themselves,” chances are you’re not in a situationship. You’re in a full-blown complicationship. And no, it’s not silly or dramatic to feel wrecked when it ends. You practically wrote wedding vows in your head.
On the flip side, if you’re two months into casual brunches and no one’s introduced anyone as “my partner,” then yes, it’s probably a situationship. And if you get sad when it ends, that’s valid too. Your feelings matter, even if the relationship was never officially titled.
But the nuance is important. Because we need language for these messy, in-between spaces. Not everything is a love story. Not everything is a fling. Sometimes it’s a slow-motion trainwreck you mistake for intimacy. And knowing what kind of connection you’re in helps you decide how to grieve it. Or, better yet, when to walk away before you start calling a situationship your soulmate in a cardigan.
The Energy They Bring
Situationships give bare minimum energy dressed up in occasional affection. They reply to your texts eventually. They’re always “so busy with work.” You never really know where you stand, but you tell yourself that’s fine because you’re cool and unbothered, right? Right?
Meanwhile, complicationships are intense from the get-go. It’s the all-consuming kind. They tell you secrets no one else knows. You feel chosen. Special. You feel like you’ve finally been seen. Until one day you realise you’ve been seen, yes, but only through the lens of their unhealed wounds.
It’s hard to leave something that felt like love. Even when you know it wasn’t healthy. Especially when you saw flashes of something beautiful beneath the mess. But you have to ask yourself: is loving them worth losing yourself? Are you willing to bleed for someone who won’t even admit they’re holding the knife?
How to Heal From Each
Healing from a situationship is like rinsing off glitter. Annoying, sure, but you’ll be fine. You feel a little bruised, maybe embarrassed, but you’ll be back on the apps in a week. Maybe you’ll write a vague caption about self-worth and boundaries. Maybe you’ll buy new sheets and declare your bed a no-situationship zone.
Healing from a complicationship, though? That’s a journey. That’s deleting voicemails and burning letters and telling your therapist, “I don’t even know who I was when I was with them.” You don’t just bounce back. You crawl. You rebuild. You slowly reintroduce yourself to your own reflection. You remind yourself that you’re not hard to love. You were just trying to love someone who didn’t know how to receive it.
And the worst part? You’ll probably miss them. Not because they were good to you, but because you believed in what you thought you had. Because you glimpsed the version of them that existed when everything was right. And sometimes, that tiny glimpse is enough to keep you hooked for far too long.
A situationship is a puddle. A complicationship is a flood. One gets your shoes wet, the other sweeps away your sanity.
Final Thoughts from the Complicationship Crypt
If you’ve ever been in a complicationship, I see you. I honour the version of you who tried so hard to make it work. The one who gave too much. Who stayed too long. Who loved too deeply. You weren’t a fool. You were hopeful. And that’s brave.
And if you’re currently sitting in a situationship wondering if it might become something more, that’s valid too. Just make sure you’re not building castles in the air when they won’t even meet you halfway to the moat.
At the end of the day, both situationships and complicationships can leave you spinning. But only one of them makes you question your sanity at 3am while eating cheese out of the packet and texting your best friend “do you think he ever really loved me?” Learn the difference. Love yourself through it. And when in doubt? Block and bless. You deserve better.
We Need to Stop Clapping for Basic Decency – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity
If this post helped, inspired, or made you smile, you can support my work with a tea or tip over on Ko-fi. Every bit helps keep the chaos flowing.
Check Out My Other Forms
Discover more from Life & Style with Bry Jaimea
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
