Situationship vs Complicationship: What's the Difference?

You Up? vs You Destroyed Me a Bit

I’ve spoken before about my past complicationships, most notably the Alcoholic-Ex-Bestie. So, if you’ve been here a while, you’ll know the kind. The ones that linger like a passive-aggressive perfume cloud after a toxic ex walks past. But every time I mention them, someone always asks, “Hang on, isn’t that just a situationship?”

Oh no, darling. That’s like comparing a puddle to a full-blown flood. A situationship is more like a chill puddle. A little emotionally shallow, kinda fun to jump in, but you know it’s not going to sweep you away. A complicationship, on the other hand, is a monsoon of emotional chaos, existential crises, and probably a joint bank account you almost opened together.

Let me break it down. A situationship is a vibe. A flirt. Maybe a little sneaky link that turns into regular Thursday night canoodling. You’re not planning your life together, you’re just vibing. There’s ambiguity, yes, but no one’s crying in the shower because he said he didn’t believe in soulmates. A complicationship? That’s the kind of thing that leaves scorch marks on your personality.

Situationships: The Casual Chaos

Situationships are the modern curse of the dating app era. You match, you talk, you meet, and then you exist in a weird little limbo where no one wants to label it. You don’t meet the friends. You don’t share your traumas. But you do end up watching seven seasons of a TV show together because you’ve got nothing better to do. It’s convenient. It’s non-threatening. It’s low-stakes limbo.

Sometimes, they’re great. You don’t want a relationship, they don’t want a relationship, and suddenly you’ve got a reliable cuddle buddy and someone who’ll split the Uber Eats minimum spend with you. It’s cute. But let’s be honest, it’s never really satisfying. It’s the rice cake of dating. Fills the space, but doesn’t really hit the spot.

They can drag on way longer than they should. Especially if neither of you is ready to commit, but neither wants to lose the other. You end up in this awkward in-between where there’s just enough intimacy to keep you invested, but not enough depth to make it meaningful. And then one day they ghost you because they “weren’t ready for something serious” and you have to pretend you’re not hurt because technically they never said they were your boyfriend.

Complicationships: The Deep End with Sharks

Now a complicationship? Oh, that’s a different beast. That’s when you’ve trauma bonded over mutual daddy issues, you’ve talked about baby names, you’ve planned holidays you never end up taking. It’s not just messy, it’s nuclear. It’s the love story that starts with sparks and ends with therapy.

This isn’t just someone you hung out with. This is someone who felt like your twin flame. Until they didn’t. It’s intense. It’s passionate. You swear they’re the one. And then, slowly, the cracks start to show. Maybe they’re emotionally unavailable. Maybe they refuse to go to therapy. Maybe they still call their ex when they’re drunk. Or maybe they’re spiralling into addiction and you’re stuck trying to save them while forgetting to save yourself.

Complicationships are heavy. They teach you things you didn’t want to learn. Like how far you’re willing to go for someone who won’t meet you halfway. Like how easy it is to lose yourself in the name of love. They’re not just hard to end. They haunt you. Because you saw potential. You saw a life. But they weren’t ready to grow into the person you needed. And now you’re left holding all the “what ifs.”

Why It’s Important to Know the Difference

Because it saves you from gaslighting yourself. If you’re crying every night and googling “how to fix someone who refuses to fix themselves,” chances are you’re not in a situationship. You’re in a full-blown complicationship. And no, it’s not silly or dramatic to feel wrecked when it ends. You practically wrote wedding vows in your head.

On the flip side, if you’re two months into casual brunches and no one’s introduced anyone as “my partner,” then yes, it’s probably a situationship. And if you get sad when it ends, that’s valid too. Your feelings matter, even if the relationship was never officially titled.

But the nuance is important. Because we need language for these messy, in-between spaces. Not everything is a love story. Not everything is a fling. Sometimes it’s a slow-motion trainwreck you mistake for intimacy. And knowing what kind of connection you’re in helps you decide how to grieve it. Or, better yet, when to walk away before you start calling a situationship your soulmate in a cardigan.

The Energy They Bring

Situationships give bare minimum energy dressed up in occasional affection. They reply to your texts eventually. They’re always “so busy with work.” You never really know where you stand, but you tell yourself that’s fine because you’re cool and unbothered, right? Right?

Meanwhile, complicationships are intense from the get-go. It’s the all-consuming kind. They tell you secrets no one else knows. You feel chosen. Special. You feel like you’ve finally been seen. Until one day you realise you’ve been seen, yes, but only through the lens of their unhealed wounds.

It’s hard to leave something that felt like love. Even when you know it wasn’t healthy. Especially when you saw flashes of something beautiful beneath the mess. But you have to ask yourself: is loving them worth losing yourself? Are you willing to bleed for someone who won’t even admit they’re holding the knife?

How to Heal From Each

Healing from a situationship is like rinsing off glitter. Annoying, sure, but you’ll be fine. You feel a little bruised, maybe embarrassed, but you’ll be back on the apps in a week. Maybe you’ll write a vague caption about self-worth and boundaries. Maybe you’ll buy new sheets and declare your bed a no-situationship zone.

Healing from a complicationship, though? That’s a journey. That’s deleting voicemails and burning letters and telling your therapist, “I don’t even know who I was when I was with them.” You don’t just bounce back. You crawl. You rebuild. You slowly reintroduce yourself to your own reflection. You remind yourself that you’re not hard to love. You were just trying to love someone who didn’t know how to receive it.

And the worst part? You’ll probably miss them. Not because they were good to you, but because you believed in what you thought you had. Because you glimpsed the version of them that existed when everything was right. And sometimes, that tiny glimpse is enough to keep you hooked for far too long.

A situationship is a puddle. A complicationship is a flood. One gets your shoes wet, the other sweeps away your sanity.

Final Thoughts from the Complicationship Crypt

If you’ve ever been in a complicationship, I see you. I honour the version of you who tried so hard to make it work. The one who gave too much. Who stayed too long. Who loved too deeply. You weren’t a fool. You were hopeful. And that’s brave.

And if you’re currently sitting in a situationship wondering if it might become something more, that’s valid too. Just make sure you’re not building castles in the air when they won’t even meet you halfway to the moat.

At the end of the day, both situationships and complicationships can leave you spinning. But only one of them makes you question your sanity at 3am while eating cheese out of the packet and texting your best friend “do you think he ever really loved me?” Learn the difference. Love yourself through it. And when in doubt? Block and bless. You deserve better.

You Are Not Entitled to an Answer – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity

In this episode of Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity, we're unpacking why you are not entitled to an answer. Specifically, we're talking about the strange little corner of modern dating where a few days of app chat somehow becomes an emotional contract, and suddenly a man you've never met believes your silence requires a formal explanation, a debrief, and possibly a follow-up meeting with management.I have two stories for you. One man who talked almost exclusively about himself, ignored the fact that I was sick, and then followed up a week later asking whether I'd reconsidered his "request for clarification". And another who became offended because I didn't respond to his selfie within two hours while I was lying in a dark room with a migraine. Sir. Please be serious.Because here's the thing. Before you've met someone, you do not owe them unlimited access to your time, attention, reassurance, or emotional labour. You don't have to justify why the vibes changed. You don't need a reason they'll consider reasonable. You are allowed to disengage because something felt off, because you changed your mind, because you met someone else, or because you're in your luteal phase and frankly the entire world can wait.Today we're talking about the difference between ghosting and simply disengaging, why demanding closure can become a boundary violation, the exhausting expectation that women should manage men's feelings for them, and why you do not need to JADE, justify, argue, defend, or explain, when you've already decided you're done. Let's get into it.Key Takeaways:A few days of chatting does not create a debt. Matching on an app, exchanging messages, or talking on the phone does not give someone a claim on your attention. Until you've actually built a connection, you are allowed to walk away without submitting supporting documentation.Closure is not something another person can demand from you. Asking once is one thing. Continuing to push after someone has clearly disengaged is not persistence or emotional maturity. It's refusing to accept the answer you've already been given.You do not need to JADE. You don't have to justify, argue, defend, or explain why you're no longer interested. The reason doesn't have to be good enough for him. It just has to be yours.Pre-date silence and post-date silence are not the same thing. If you've never met, disengaging is part of app dating. Once you've shared an actual date or developed a genuine connection, a simple goodbye becomes basic courtesy. Nobody needs a dissertation, but acknowledging another human being matters.Sometimes they don't miss you. They miss the audience. Someone can seem interested while actually being interested in having your attention. Real connection requires curiosity about you. If the only time they become deeply engaged is when you're leaving, pay attention to that.For more visit ⁠BryJaimea.com⁠ or follow over on IG ⁠@BryJaimea

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