You Deserve to Feel Everything (Then Light It on Fire)
It hurts. Like “crumpled on the bathroom floor sobbing into a cold cup of tea” kind of hurt. If you’re reading this, I’m so sorry you’re here. I want to swaddle you in a blanket burrito, feed you something warm, and tell you with my whole chest: you’re going to be okay. Truly.
I’ve been cheated on more times than I’d like to admit. My ex-husband did it. So did a few ex-boyfriends who thought they were very clever. And every time, I asked myself: “Was it me? Did I do something wrong?” Spoiler alert: no. I didn’t. You didn’t. They did. Their inability to keep their pants zipped is not your burden to carry. So, my darling chaos goblin, it’s time for some sweet, sparkly revenge.
But let’s get this straight. We’re not keying cars, shaving eyebrows in their sleep, or sprinkling laxatives into their oat milk lattes (although the fantasy is tempting). No. The real revenge? Thriving. Healing. Living so well they start to wonder if you were ever real. Because the most chaotic thing you can do is build a beautiful, badass life and never look back.
So, if you’ve been betrayed and are currently contemplating dramatic haircuts or legally questionable acts of vengeance, let’s redirect that energy. You’re not broken. You’re just mid-upgrade. And we’re going to plot the comeback.
First Comes the Fantasy
When my ex-husband cheated, I wanted to burn it all down. I wanted to scream, throw his clothes in the street, and make a dramatic speech involving a wind machine and my best eyeliner. I had whole Oscar-worthy monologues rehearsed in the shower. But in the end? I didn’t. Not because I’m some moral high ground goddess, but because I realised something better: my energy was far too valuable to waste on him.
So I turned inward. Started rebuilding. Bit by bit, tea by tea, mirror pep talk by mirror pep talk. I didn’t rise overnight, but I did rise. And when I did? I was fierce. I was glowing. And finally, I was me again. The version of me that sparkles without needing anyone to plug her in.
And while he faded into the beige background of his own poor decisions, I got louder. Brighter. More alive. It wasn’t just a glow up. It was a goddamn rebirth. Chaos goblin, but make it majestic.
Then Comes the Shift
This is the part where you stop obsessing over the why. Why did they do it? Why wasn’t I enough? Or why didn’t I see it coming? Babe. Stop. Their reasons aren’t profound. They weren’t a riddle to solve. They were just… disappointing. And that’s not your problem anymore.
Turn your energy towards yourself. Sign up for that dance class. Buy the bold lipstick. Reorganise your kitchen or your entire life. Start lifting weights, lifting crystals, or lifting your own bloody standards. Whatever makes you feel powerful and alive? Do more of it.
And don’t be surprised when the glow starts radiating. People will notice. They’ll double take. Compliment your skin, your energy, your vibe. And somewhere in the land of poor choices, your ex will see a photo of you and whisper into their lukewarm beer, “Damn.”
Finally, Comes the Freedom
Here’s where the real revenge takes root: when you feel peace. Not performative peace. Not Instagram peace. But real, quiet, I-like-my-own-company kind of peace. The kind of peace that makes their nonsense irrelevant. You don’t need to prove anything to them anymore. You’ve got nothing to prove. You’ve got you. And that is no small thing.
So make that vision board. Plan that solo trip. Say yes to things that make your soul shimmy. Say no to anything that makes your stomach clench. Choose yourself with the kind of ruthless loyalty you once gave to them. Become your own home. Your own comfort. Your own loud, weird, deeply lovable chaos goblin.
This kind of freedom doesn’t arrive with fireworks. It slips in quietly, while you’re laughing with friends or dancing in your kitchen or sleeping soundly through the night without dreaming of their betrayal. And when you laugh again, really laugh, like tea-spluttering, snorty giggles? That’s the sound of healing. That’s the soundtrack of revenge. And darling, it is glorious.
From Broken to Unbothered
Eventually, they’ll reach out. Oh yes. They always do. A “Hey, you crossed my mind” text. A meme. A pathetic little breadcrumb to see if the door’s still open. And by that point, you’ll be so wrapped up in your joy, your chaos, your glow-up, that you’ll barely notice. Or you’ll screenshot it, send it to your group chat, and laugh till you cry.
Because here’s the secret they never tell you: once you start choosing yourself, really choosing yourself, you stop craving their validation. You start craving your own. And that, my darling, is freedom. That’s the kind of revenge that lingers.
So go ahead. Cry. Rage. Eat your weight in potatoes. Then rise. Rebuild. Reclaim every sparkling part of yourself they tried to dull. You don’t need to be cruel to get even. You just need to be you. Fully, unapologetically, brightly, beautifully you.
And if you ever feel tempted to send a strongly worded email or hex their Spotify algorithm, just whisper this to yourself: “They lost me. I win.”
The end.
We Need to Stop Clapping for Basic Decency – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity
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