The necklace that started it all
Let me set the scene: it was a Saturday night, I’d had a glass (ok, two) of wine, Lulu was curled up next to me being impossibly cute, and I was scrolling through the Mimco sale like it was my full-time job. That’s when I saw it. A chunky statement necklace that looked like it had fallen out of a mermaid’s jewellery box. Fifty percent off. And here’s the kicker – I’d dreamt about a necklace the night before. Was it this necklace? Probably not. But did my chaotic brain immediately decide this was a sign from the universe? Absolutely.
It was a rush. The click. The confirmation email. The imagined outfits I would definitely wear it with. But by the time it arrived, the fantasy had fizzled. It was beautiful, yes, but also completely unwearable for my lifestyle of matcha lattes, cat cuddles, and being a hermit in fluffy Hello Kitty pj bottoms. Cue the buyer’s remorse. The good news? I got a full refund. The better news? It inspired this blog post.
Because if you’re anything like me, shopping isn’t always about need. It’s about mood, impulse, escapism, and the delicious dopamine buzz of adding to cart. And when you’re neurospicy, that buzz is extra spicy. So let’s talk about how to keep the dopamine, lose the guilt, and shop with intention even when your brain is screaming “treat yourself, babe!”
Why our brains crave the purchase
Being neurodivergent means our dopamine regulation is often a bit off-kilter. We’re not broken, we’re just wired to chase little hits of joy wherever we can find them. And online retail therapy? Oh, it delivers*. That little buzz of anticipation, the thrill of the sale, the sense of control in choosing something new – it hits hard and fast.
But here’s the trap. That same buzz that makes us feel amazing for five minutes is the same one that leads us to stare at our bank statement three days later whispering, “Why am I like this?” It’s not that we’re irresponsible. It’s that our brains are often stuck in a loop of emotional regulation and impulsivity. Shopping becomes the answer to a question we weren’t really asking.
*Pun very much intended.
Recognising your shopping triggers
Wine. Boredom. Loneliness. Hormonal chaos. Sales emails that scream “last chance!” with a countdown timer. These are some of my personal gremlins that lead me down the path of questionable purchases. And recognising them has been a game-changer.
Shopping is rarely about the thing. It’s about the feeling. So when you’re reaching for your credit card, pause. Ask yourself what’s really going on. Are you overstimulated and trying to zone out? Are you sad and seeking a serotonin boost? Are you just trying to avoid an email? (Relatable.)
Learning your triggers doesn’t mean you’ll stop shopping impulsively altogether. But it gives you a pause point. A chance to check in. And sometimes, that’s enough to choose differently. Not always. But sometimes.
Set up your safety nets
One of the best things I’ve done for my budget and my mental health is creating what I call “dopamine detours”. Basically, alternative ways to get that little hit of happy without spending money you don’t have. Things like making a wish list and letting it sit for a week. Creating a Pinterest board of outfits instead of buying the clothes. Trying things on in-store but not taking them home.
I also have a rule: nothing gets bought if it’s not a hell yes. If it’s a maybe, it’s a no. And yes, I do talk to myself out loud when shopping. I need to hear myself say, “You’re bored, not in need of another floral dress.”
Return policies are your best friend. I will often buy something knowing full well I might return it – but I do it with the awareness that I’m curating my wardrobe, not hoarding. The key is being willing to actually take it back when it doesn’t feel right later.
How to shop when you do need something
OK, so what about when you actually need something? A new coat. Shoes that don’t have holes in them. A dress for a wedding that doesn’t scream “trauma response with pockets”.
This is where structure helps. Make a list. Be specific. What colour, shape, and function does this item need to have? Can you build three outfits around it with what you already own? Have you created an Outfit Inspo card on Canva? If yes, green light. If no, maybe pause.
And don’t underestimate the magic of brick-and-mortar shopping. Human interaction, the effort of physically getting to the shop, and the sheer sensory reality of trying something on can interrupt the impulse cycle. You can immediately see if something fits weird, itches, or just doesn’t feel like you. Plus, there’s no “forgot to return it” spiral like with online orders that silently guilt you from the back of your wardrobe. Brick and mortar is your friend. It gives you a chance to engage your senses, slow down the decision-making, and avoid the trap of online cart-fuelled chaos.
When buyer’s remorse hits anyway
Look, sometimes you’ll buy the Mimco necklace. You’ll be sure it’s the one. It won’t be. And that’s ok. Return it if you can. Resell it if you can’t. Gift it to a friend who’ll actually wear it and think of you fondly.
Don’t spiral into shame. Regret doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human. Neurospicy brains just need a little extra grace sometimes. We learn. We recalibrate. We try again.
Be gentle with yourself. Shopping is emotional. It’s tied to self-image, identity, memory, and mood. You’re not a failure because you wanted to feel good for five minutes. You just get to try a new strategy next time.
I dreamt of a necklace and woke up with buyer’s remorse. Thanks, Mimco.
Chaos, but make it conscious
Being neurodivergent means you’re a little chaotic by design. But that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to debt and a wardrobe full of bad decisions. You can be intentional. You can be conscious. You can be a curator of beauty, style, and joy.
Shopping doesn’t have to be shameful. It can be playful. It can be expressive. It can be empowering. Just give yourself the tools, the pause points, and the kindness to shop in a way that honours who you are – not just who you were on a wine-fuelled Thursday night.
And if you do buy the necklace again? At least this time, you’ll know why.
We Need to Stop Clapping for Basic Decency – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity
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