How to Shop Without Regret When You’re Neurospicy

The necklace that started it all

Let me set the scene: it was a Saturday night, I’d had a glass (ok, two) of wine, Lulu was curled up next to me being impossibly cute, and I was scrolling through the Mimco sale like it was my full-time job. That’s when I saw it. A chunky statement necklace that looked like it had fallen out of a mermaid’s jewellery box. Fifty percent off. And here’s the kicker – I’d dreamt about a necklace the night before. Was it this necklace? Probably not. But did my chaotic brain immediately decide this was a sign from the universe? Absolutely.

It was a rush. The click. The confirmation email. The imagined outfits I would definitely wear it with. But by the time it arrived, the fantasy had fizzled. It was beautiful, yes, but also completely unwearable for my lifestyle of matcha lattes, cat cuddles, and being a hermit in fluffy Hello Kitty pj bottoms. Cue the buyer’s remorse. The good news? I got a full refund. The better news? It inspired this blog post.

Because if you’re anything like me, shopping isn’t always about need. It’s about mood, impulse, escapism, and the delicious dopamine buzz of adding to cart. And when you’re neurospicy, that buzz is extra spicy. So let’s talk about how to keep the dopamine, lose the guilt, and shop with intention even when your brain is screaming “treat yourself, babe!”

Why our brains crave the purchase

Being neurodivergent means our dopamine regulation is often a bit off-kilter. We’re not broken, we’re just wired to chase little hits of joy wherever we can find them. And online retail therapy? Oh, it delivers*. That little buzz of anticipation, the thrill of the sale, the sense of control in choosing something new – it hits hard and fast.

But here’s the trap. That same buzz that makes us feel amazing for five minutes is the same one that leads us to stare at our bank statement three days later whispering, “Why am I like this?” It’s not that we’re irresponsible. It’s that our brains are often stuck in a loop of emotional regulation and impulsivity. Shopping becomes the answer to a question we weren’t really asking.

*Pun very much intended.

Recognising your shopping triggers

Wine. Boredom. Loneliness. Hormonal chaos. Sales emails that scream “last chance!” with a countdown timer. These are some of my personal gremlins that lead me down the path of questionable purchases. And recognising them has been a game-changer.

Shopping is rarely about the thing. It’s about the feeling. So when you’re reaching for your credit card, pause. Ask yourself what’s really going on. Are you overstimulated and trying to zone out? Are you sad and seeking a serotonin boost? Are you just trying to avoid an email? (Relatable.)

Learning your triggers doesn’t mean you’ll stop shopping impulsively altogether. But it gives you a pause point. A chance to check in. And sometimes, that’s enough to choose differently. Not always. But sometimes.

Set up your safety nets

One of the best things I’ve done for my budget and my mental health is creating what I call “dopamine detours”. Basically, alternative ways to get that little hit of happy without spending money you don’t have. Things like making a wish list and letting it sit for a week. Creating a Pinterest board of outfits instead of buying the clothes. Trying things on in-store but not taking them home.

I also have a rule: nothing gets bought if it’s not a hell yes. If it’s a maybe, it’s a no. And yes, I do talk to myself out loud when shopping. I need to hear myself say, “You’re bored, not in need of another floral dress.”

Return policies are your best friend. I will often buy something knowing full well I might return it – but I do it with the awareness that I’m curating my wardrobe, not hoarding. The key is being willing to actually take it back when it doesn’t feel right later.

How to shop when you do need something

OK, so what about when you actually need something? A new coat. Shoes that don’t have holes in them. A dress for a wedding that doesn’t scream “trauma response with pockets”.

This is where structure helps. Make a list. Be specific. What colour, shape, and function does this item need to have? Can you build three outfits around it with what you already own? Have you created an Outfit Inspo card on Canva? If yes, green light. If no, maybe pause.

And don’t underestimate the magic of brick-and-mortar shopping. Human interaction, the effort of physically getting to the shop, and the sheer sensory reality of trying something on can interrupt the impulse cycle. You can immediately see if something fits weird, itches, or just doesn’t feel like you. Plus, there’s no “forgot to return it” spiral like with online orders that silently guilt you from the back of your wardrobe. Brick and mortar is your friend. It gives you a chance to engage your senses, slow down the decision-making, and avoid the trap of online cart-fuelled chaos.

When buyer’s remorse hits anyway

Look, sometimes you’ll buy the Mimco necklace. You’ll be sure it’s the one. It won’t be. And that’s ok. Return it if you can. Resell it if you can’t. Gift it to a friend who’ll actually wear it and think of you fondly.

Don’t spiral into shame. Regret doesn’t make you broken. It makes you human. Neurospicy brains just need a little extra grace sometimes. We learn. We recalibrate. We try again.

Be gentle with yourself. Shopping is emotional. It’s tied to self-image, identity, memory, and mood. You’re not a failure because you wanted to feel good for five minutes. You just get to try a new strategy next time.

I dreamt of a necklace and woke up with buyer’s remorse. Thanks, Mimco.

Chaos, but make it conscious

Being neurodivergent means you’re a little chaotic by design. But that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to debt and a wardrobe full of bad decisions. You can be intentional. You can be conscious. You can be a curator of beauty, style, and joy.

Shopping doesn’t have to be shameful. It can be playful. It can be expressive. It can be empowering. Just give yourself the tools, the pause points, and the kindness to shop in a way that honours who you are – not just who you were on a wine-fuelled Thursday night.

And if you do buy the necklace again? At least this time, you’ll know why.

You Are Not Entitled to an Answer – Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity

In this episode of Chaos, Crumbs and Clarity, we're unpacking why you are not entitled to an answer. Specifically, we're talking about the strange little corner of modern dating where a few days of app chat somehow becomes an emotional contract, and suddenly a man you've never met believes your silence requires a formal explanation, a debrief, and possibly a follow-up meeting with management.I have two stories for you. One man who talked almost exclusively about himself, ignored the fact that I was sick, and then followed up a week later asking whether I'd reconsidered his "request for clarification". And another who became offended because I didn't respond to his selfie within two hours while I was lying in a dark room with a migraine. Sir. Please be serious.Because here's the thing. Before you've met someone, you do not owe them unlimited access to your time, attention, reassurance, or emotional labour. You don't have to justify why the vibes changed. You don't need a reason they'll consider reasonable. You are allowed to disengage because something felt off, because you changed your mind, because you met someone else, or because you're in your luteal phase and frankly the entire world can wait.Today we're talking about the difference between ghosting and simply disengaging, why demanding closure can become a boundary violation, the exhausting expectation that women should manage men's feelings for them, and why you do not need to JADE, justify, argue, defend, or explain, when you've already decided you're done. Let's get into it.Key Takeaways:A few days of chatting does not create a debt. Matching on an app, exchanging messages, or talking on the phone does not give someone a claim on your attention. Until you've actually built a connection, you are allowed to walk away without submitting supporting documentation.Closure is not something another person can demand from you. Asking once is one thing. Continuing to push after someone has clearly disengaged is not persistence or emotional maturity. It's refusing to accept the answer you've already been given.You do not need to JADE. You don't have to justify, argue, defend, or explain why you're no longer interested. The reason doesn't have to be good enough for him. It just has to be yours.Pre-date silence and post-date silence are not the same thing. If you've never met, disengaging is part of app dating. Once you've shared an actual date or developed a genuine connection, a simple goodbye becomes basic courtesy. Nobody needs a dissertation, but acknowledging another human being matters.Sometimes they don't miss you. They miss the audience. Someone can seem interested while actually being interested in having your attention. Real connection requires curiosity about you. If the only time they become deeply engaged is when you're leaving, pay attention to that.For more visit ⁠BryJaimea.com⁠ or follow over on IG ⁠@BryJaimea

If this post helped, inspired, or made you smile, you can support my work with a tea or tip over on Ko-fi. Every bit helps keep the chaos flowing.