At the end of year 7, when I was 12, I was of a normal height – an inch shorter than this friend, an inch taller than that friend.
Life was good being a run-of-the-mill, middle-of-the-road, painfully-average-heighted pre-teen.
Until of course school broke up for summer and we returned six weeks later…
Suddenly, I was several inches shorter than this friend, and even more inches shorter than that friend, and as the years went by, my friends continued to grow in height, and all I managed to grow was cleavage.
What the hell puberty?
I’m 33 now (in years, not inches), and 157 (in centimetres, not years), which essentially means is that I am Short.
Australia is full of tall, tanned gods and goddesses who bask upon the beaches like elegant streaks of flaxen sunlight incarnate, and so I, being a short pale pixie, was of course a (supposedly) delightfully fun topic to discuss amongst these golden deities. Even here in Sunny Scotland it is still brought to my attention just how wee I am as if I were blissfully unaware of my vertically challenged state.
Over the years, I have heard every joke, every reference, and every (ok, maybe not every, but I am prescribing to hyperbole here) nickname relating to my height, and so I decided to share with you the 10 Things Short Girls Are Sick of Hearing.
OMG! You’re So Short!
Holy hell, where did those extra few inches go?
I swear I was 5’6 a few moments ago…
I just took my heels off.
You’re just like a Hobbit!
Excuse me? I take efforts to epilate my feet on a regular basis, thank you very much.
My hair-care routine aside, what do you think of this new ring I found?
I could fit you in my pocket/bag!
Uh… Does Scotland have an Amber alert? Does it extend to adults?
Can you reach the top shelf of your pantry?
Have you ever heard of a step-stool?
Oh sorry, I didn’t see you!
I guess you’re just…
(I am so ashamed of myself right now).
I can rest my chin on your head!
And I can rest my faith in your sense of humour to peace.
Oh look, we’re in the children’s section! Let’s find you a cute party dress!
Only if it is pink, with frills, and you’re paying… for that lame joke.
Can you hear me all the way down there?
What’s the weather like down there?
Hang on… Did you just use me to block out the sun?
Why, yes. Yes I did.
Ah, the perks of being short!